I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
