he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
