Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
