If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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