Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
