You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I think my vagina is haunted
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
