The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
