I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
