You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
