How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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