i love accidental penises.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Is Oprah even human
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
