i permit you to call me
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
