my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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