My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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