I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize