Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
