Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
