I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
