I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
