you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
