I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
