I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Panties = found
Randomize
