Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
