She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
