She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
