Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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