I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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