Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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