I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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