So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
