i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
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