drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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