Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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