Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
