i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
