I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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