He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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