I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
