she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
did i walk over a car last night?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
