Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize