Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
