im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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