Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
did i just pee glitter
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
