so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
