I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
