...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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