you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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