i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
