meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
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airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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