you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
