How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
