Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize