so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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