man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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