when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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