Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
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I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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