I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
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His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
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Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
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