my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
