I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
