his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
