for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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