ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
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She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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