today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
