90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
