Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
