I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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