I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
