if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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