I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
