I want to walk on stilts...naked
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
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