he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
