so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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