First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
