I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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