I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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