So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
